Stupid Listener Questions! You can read that a couple of ways: STUPID LISTENER Questions or STUPID Listener QUESTIONS. The first is probably the most correct.

Listeners ask some of the dumbest questions. Below we have selected the cream of the crop and the corresponding answer to the stupid question.

If you're a listener.. please, before you call the radio station... think about what you want to say. Maybe you should write it down and then read it back to see if it makes any sense to you. Then, ask yourself a few questions... like... How would the DJ know when the buss for Tampa leaves? How would the DJ know if you can return a girdle worn only once.. If it's not about the music or the radio station..CALL SOMEONE ELSE!

Do you have any extra back-stage passes I could have?

ANSWER: Oh sure! Right! Like we're just gonna' hand over back-stage passes to any yo-yo that calls on the request line and asks for them. Are you out of your freakin' mind? You know how hard it is to get back-stage. What makes you think that you can call the radio station, get back-stage passes for the asking and the breeze by security to say hi to Elvis? Why don't we write you a check for a couple of million while we're at it so we can really make your day. How do you spell that first name? B-O-Z-O

Today's my birthday... will you..[fill in the blank..]

ANSWER: What is it with you guys on your freaking' birthday. We don't get the day off or holiday pay on your birthday so what difference does it make if it's your birthday and why the hell should we do anything special for you because you happened to be born? If we come into your store and ask for a discount because it's our birthday you'd laugh in our faces. Never, never use this as leverage to get what you want. It's an indication that your age and IQ are in the same ballpark.

Will you make me a request?

ANSWER: Since we don't have magical powers, we can not make you a request. We'd be happy to just make you go away. Learn to use the language properly. Next you'll want to axe us a question about someone you seen at a concert.

Will you play a special request?

ANSWER: Hey, they're all special. Calling up a radio station using this line of crap won't get you anything. Just tell us what you want to hear. We don't need to hear the story of how your dog got run over by a truck the night before and hearing a particular song will make your day brighter.

Can I make a dedication?

ANSWER: No! Dedications suck! You know why? Only you and the other idiot you are dedicating the song to will get anything out of it. On top of that, if we do your dedication, we'll have fifty more people calling us wanting the same consideration. Of course we can't do all fifty dedications so what we have done is made you and your friend happy and pissed off fifty other people to satisfy you with that stupid dedication. No, you can't make a dedication. Besides, it never fails to screw up the Playlist. Send them a card because they probably weren't listening to the radio anyway.

Did I win?

ANSWER: What possesses you to call a radio station for no apparent reason to ask such a stupid question? The contest was 20 minutes ago and you call wanting to know if you won. All we can say is... quick reflexes. So your house catches on fire.. do you wait 20 minutes to call 911? No, you do it right away! So, when you listen to the radio and you hear the contest sound or the jock says call NOW to win... IF YOU CALL AT THAT MOMENT YOU MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE BOZO!

Is there some trick to winning?

ANSWER: Yes... try listening. Radio Station contests are not rigged. There is always some idiot calling claiming that the contests are rigged. Why would we do that? We don't give a damn who wins as long as they listen the to the radio station. Use your brain, rigging a contest or having some trick to win defeats the purpose of doing the contest.

If I call and the request line is busy, will my call go through when the line is clear or do I have to hang-up and re dial?

ANSWER: You must have missed the phone company instructions when you bought your phone. Tell you what, why don't you call the request line... if it's busy, just hang on for as long as you can and then call back and let us know how long you had to hold on before the call went through. If it's busy, just hang on for as long as you can and then call back and let us know how long you had to hold on before the call went through. If it's busy, just hang on for as long as you can and then call back and let us know how long you had to hold on before the call went through. If it's busy, just hang on for as long as you can and then call back and let us know how long you had to hold on before the call went through. You're really stupid if you've read this far. Please don't have children.

I heard a commercial last week about a sale, do you know what store that was?

ANSWER: No! Why the hell didn't you call last week when you heard the commercial? We play thousands of commercials, all of them claiming to have some great sale going on... how the hell are we supposed to remember the one that caught your delayed interest?

Do y'all take requests?

ANSWER: Yes! We take requests. That means we answer the phone, you tell us what you would LIKE to hear and we say thanks for listening... we will TRY to play it for you. Taking your request is no guarantee that you will ever hear the song on our radio station. If we can, we'll play it. If we can't we won't. Don't call up five minutes later griping because you haven't heard your song. You think you're the only one with a request? How self centered! If you really like the song.. WHY DON'T Y0U BUY IT!

I seen a new song on [MTV, VH1, CMT, TNN, ETC] last night, I don't know the name of it but can you play it for me?

ANSWER: No! MTV, VH1, CMT, TNN and any other TV channel that plays music videos will play anything.. whether it's good or not. If you don't know the title, don't try to sing it for us. If you don't know the artist, don't say "it's by that guy, you know the one I'm talkin' about?" Just because you saw it on TV is no guarantee that radio will ever play it.

What's your Request Line Number?
What's your Contest Line Number?

ANSWER: What number did you just dial?

Why don't you answer your phone?

ANSWER: Look Bonehead, we have 10 to 20 lines coming into this station and we're supposed to answer them all at the same time? We don't think so. You think your call is the only one worth taking? Get a life.. you'll wait in the phone line like everyone else. Show a little class and consider that there are numerous reasons for us not picking up the phone as soon as you call... first of all we didn't know that it was you. If we had known it was you we could have dropped everything and answered.

Will you play [any song from a totally different format]?

ANSWER: Why the hell are you listening to us? If we are not playing the music you like, why are you listening? Did it occur to you that if you haven't heard a single song you like in the last hour that maybe you will never hear one that you like? Calling and requesting a song that is not within our music format will NOT get the song played. Go back to school and raise your IQ a few points.

Do you know where [competing radio station's DJ] is going to be today?

ANSWER: Why should we help the competition? If you're not smart enough to know which station the DJ you are interested in works for why should we waste our time with you. We sure don't want you listening to us because you're probably to stupid to fill out and Arbitron Diary correctly anyway.

Could you play that commercial again, I didn't hear it all?

ANSWER: Now, at least these callers are smart enough to call WHEN they hear something that interests them. But we have to deduct IQ points from them because they are too stupid to realize that we can't just play a commercial without being paid for it. A commercial client may pay for the commercial to be played 50 times in a week at $50-$500 per play... we're not going to give him a freebie because you want to hear the commercial. DUH!

Could you play [the song you just played]?

ANSWER: Yeah, we know, you just turned the radio on. It's still irritating.

Can I make a comment on [anything unrelated to your show]?

ANSWER: No, If we want your comments we'll ask for them. You feel like yakking about something, call a talk radio station. Write a letter to the editor of the paper or something. Consider getting a life.

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