*** New Position ***
Departmental Scapegoat
We invite Applications from suitable people for the position of Departmental Scapegoat.
The Scapegoat will be expected to be available for blame sessions and buck stops from the hours of 8:30am until 5:00pm. Some other hours work will be required, for which time can be taken in lieu when the position holder should be doing something extremely important in the department. This is a full time position.
Applicants will be expected to have a full knowledge of excuses from the mundane ("I forgot") to extraordinary ("Kidnapped in my car by extra-terrestrials shaped like giant full nappies") and should be able to take hostility up to and including being shot at by lunatic computer users. Applicant should expect to have a career span of approximately 2 weeks between firings, and should be familiar with the work of all members of staff, should they require his/her services. Applicant should ideally have a cringing crawly demeanor and make mistakes in day-to-day life to harbour an external appearance of utter stupidity.
Remuneration will be on a scale from the ludicrously overpaid, with provision with demotion to the pathetically miserable.
We are an equal opportunity employer, and shall consider all losers without prejudice.
Applications should be made to anyone, preferably on the back of a list of groceries.