A Bad Day in Hell.

It was a large ship, and most of my crack squad had been wounded or killed in the previous mission, in which I took out an alien battleship and successfully stunned and captured a live commander (and also the team members in the vicinity of the stun bomb). Thus it was time to send in the inexperienced captain, 2 sharpshooters, and a whole bunch of cannon fodder (rookies). Still, I was feeling confident...

<Radio transcript follows>

Captain: Okay men, deploy immediately around the interceptor and begin moving out. Jenkins, Taylor, and Schwinn - you check out those buildings to the north and then circle the ufo. Take care of any slime you see. I'll take Carey and Arkwright and circle the ufo to the south. Simmonds, you bring up the rear.

Various: Yo Captain!

( 5 minutes later )

Jenkins: My God! What the hell is that?

Taylor: It looks like a refugee from an Aliens movie.

Schwinn: I've got it covered.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Schwinn: I hit it three times and it's still standing. Damn that thing's tough.

Captain: Well hit again goddammit. And kill it this time.

Schwinn: Yo!

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Bzztz. Click. Chitter.

Schwinn: It be dead captain. I be a mean bug killer.

Taylor: Heads up guys, two more to the north, running this way.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

( Mass Blamm!'s deleted )

Taylor: They're down, the bogeys are down. This area's clear.

(10 seconds later)

Taylor: Shit! Snakeman to the North. And what's that he's carrying? Hey, that looks like a blaster launcher! Oh my God!


Schwinn: Captain there's a big crater where Taylor used to be. There's a pair of shoes where he was.

Captain: Well kill that guy with the fucking porta-nuke!

Schwinn: No need sir, he was killed in the explosion.

Captain: Well, retrieve the shoes and carry on around the ufo. We'll meet up later.

(10 minutes pass)

Captain: Where the hell is the door on this thing? I've been hearing it open but where the hell is it?

Carey: Double doors up ahead sir!

Captain: Okay, let's do this by the book. I'll take the right, you take the left.

Arkwright: Sir, you know there was another one of these things a way back don't you. We passed it a while ago.

Captain: What! Why the hell didn't you tell me?

Arkwright: I thought you knew sir.

Captain: Simmonds?

Simmonds: Yes sir?

Captain: Where are you Simmonds?

Simmonds: Just passed that rectangular thing in the hull sir. Why?

Captain: Oh nothing. Just turn around and take a look Simmonds. And do it fast.

Simmonds: Okay. Aaaargh!

Captain: Simmonds? You there?

Simmonds: I'm here sir. But not for long. There are two black bugs real close.

Captain: Well fire goddammit!

Simmonds: Firing sir.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Simmonds: One down sir. Firing again.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Simmonds: It's bad sir. I guess I'm dead. I missed. Tell Mom I loved her.

Captain: Carey, Arkwright, are either of you in position?

Carey: Nope. Sorry Simmonds. I'll take care of your kids.

Arkwright: In position. Firing.


Simmonds: You missed! You did that on purpose you bitch. You've always wanted my boyfriend!

Captain: Richenki, where the hell are you?

Richenki: In the interceptor captain.

Captain: Well what the hell are you doing there?

Richenki: You never told me to get out sir.

Captain: Well get the hell out and set fire to some slime!

Richenki: Yo!

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Simmonds: Thank god! I'm saved!

Captain: Well keep that door covered. Schwinn, Jenkins, get back there and help them.

(10 minutes later)

Schwinn: Got it covered sir. We're behind a wall. They can't possibly reach us in time... Aargh!

Jenkins: It got Schwinn sir. It touched him and he don't look like him anymore.

Captain: Well shoot him then.

Jenkins: If you so order.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Jenkins: The thing that used to be Schwinn took two rounds full auto sir. And then he just split and out popped another big black guy. Now I'm standing next to two of them.

Carey: I got one of them.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Carey: It's down.

Richenki: I got the other.

Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!

Richenki: Good news sir. The other one's down. Unfortunately, it only took two shots and the other shot took out Jenkins.

Captain: Was he holding a primed grenade?

Richenki: Don't look like it sir. No explosion.

Captain: Damn. Oh well. Let's kill the rest of these bugs.

<Transcript Ends>


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