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Navero, male human cleric, 2nd level
Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 2nd level
Rourk Ravensbane, male drow cavalier, 2nd level
Kortul, male human fighter, 2nd level
Razuli, male human fighter, 1st level
Arlor, male dwarf thief, 1st level
Our heroes (and heroine) went south from the glow fungus cave, down a
wide passage. Dania, Navero, and Razuli held the lights, glow torches
obtained from the pool. Navero kept the map (I had to show the DM
that he really was carrying some pens, ink, and paper; also fireplace
tongs, a folding chair, 11 herbs and spices, and about a gallon of
holy water. "The Lords smile upon those who are prepared.")
As the passage wound southward, it gradually widened out into a
small cave with a dry stream bed through it. The floor was very
sandy, especially in the stream bed, which ran from east to west.
From the entrance, we could see no hostile entities, so we went in and
examined the room. The only thing we found of interest was a giant
carapace half-buried in the stream bed; it had belonged to some giant
crayfish or lobster. Other bits of cracked exoskeleton lay about, but
not much was left. There were entrances in the east and west, at the
ends of the dry stream, and in the south. We decided to go west.
The westward entrance was in the stream bed, barely wide enough
for us to enter. We walked down a small tunnel, at the end of which
was a small, damp, kidney-shaped room, with a large hole in the floor.
Four big ants - each about 2 foot at the shoulder - were standing
around the hole, while a number of smaller ants went about the room,
prying bits of fungus off the walls and ceiling and carrying them to
the hole.
Rourk: "I am becoming disappointed. I am not here to exterminate
insects."
Navero: "Are they dangerous?"
Dania: "Hope not. Here they come."
The warrior ants came over and ran their feelers over us. One
took hold of Kortul's boot in its mandibles, but he kicked it, and it
left. They apparently didn't think too much of us, as they left us
alone after that and we were able to explore the room in peace.
Nothing interesting turned up, so we went back to the dead crayfish
room and headed east.
Eastwards, the passage narrowed considerably; Rourk took the lead
by virtue of his speed of movement, and after some more breastbeating
and shouting, we continued on.
Dania: "Jesus. Can't you guys just take turns?"
The passage continued, gently sloping up, until it branched to the
east and north. The stream bed seemed to continue in the eastward branch,
so we took the northern one. It sloped sharply upwards, into a very wide
passage with many small stalactites; we could see that the tunnel continued
on north, barren and uninteresting.
Dania: "Fuck this. This place is boring."
Razuli: "Fuck this? You'd have to break off one of the stalactites
first, unless you're..."
Rourk: "Shut up. I am rather upset with this entire expedition. I
came here to gain glory and renown, and all I have found is dirt
and cavern insects. I suggest that we waste no more time here."
Kortul: "Floor's slimy." (A large glob of green goo could be seen on
the floor far ahead.)
Rourk: "Congratulations, ye great unwashed. You have discovered
slime. There is not a foe worthy of me in this entire place."
Kortul: (Has moved ahead) "Gold on other side."
Razuli: "Ok! How we gonna kill it?"
Rourk: "You may fight the slime, if you wish. Although why you would
kill your own relatives, I cannot comprehend."
Dania: "Just don't try burning it, ok?"
We all went up to look at the slime. It was bright greenish, and
clung to the floor and walls. The air was damp around it, and the
floor was muddy. It lay still, was very wet-looking, and rather
odorous.
Navero: "It looks like pond scum, or algae."
Razuli: "Probably green slime. Burn it."
Dania: "It's too wet to burn. You can't burn everything, stupid."
Razuli: "Who are you calling stupid? Say, whatever happened to your
horse, anyway? Did you misplace it?"
Navero: "Uh..."
Dania: "Shut up, Nav. Look here, mister: you have done more plain
IDIOTIC things since this started then the rest of us COMBINED."
Razuli: "Name one!"
Arlor: "Can I say something?"
Dania & Rourk: "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Arlor: "Umm... Forget it."
Razuli: "Look, kids: why don't we just burn out the slime, get the
treasure, and go. Ok? Ok!"
Dania: "It won't burn, you idiot! And fire is dangerous!"
Kortul: (Sticks torch in slime. It comes out undamaged.)
Navero: (Examines slimed torch) "Uh..."
Dania: "What?"
Navero: "This is just some kind of algae, growing in a pool."
Dania: "But theres no light down here for it to grow in."
Navero: "Well, it's just algae. Something else must be feeding it.
Maybe volcanic heat, or something."
Kortul: (Walks through algae. Does not collapse screaming, reaches
pile of gold.) "Looks real." (Prods with blade.) "Cache."
Razuli: "See how easy that was, kids? Just leave it to the humans to
figure it out, eh Rourk?"
Rourk: "Quiet." (Marches through puddle.) "Let me see that."
Dania: "Is it the Orc's stuff?"
Kortul: "Not labeled."
Navero: "If it is, we must return it to the people of the keep."
(Pause.)
Razuli: "Nav, we aren't working for them anymore, remember? After the
way they treated us?"
Rourk: "Indeed. This would go only a little way towards repaying the
injuries and insults they have given us."
Navero: "But we already received a reward. And this should go back to
the people it was stolen from. The villagers are very nice
people."
Dania: "I'm sure they are, Nav. But that reward was pretty small,
you've got to admit. And not what we were promised."
Kortul: "Gold won, not given. Besides, is it Orcs'?"
Navero: "But they allowed us into their midst, us strangers. They are
good at heart, just suspicious. I mean..."
Razuli: "Look, lets stow it away for now. When we get back, we can
ask them if they're missing any money. If they are, we can give
it back. Ok?"
Navero: "Well... alright. But don't forget to ask everyone."
Razuli: "Trust me."
There was nothing more in there, so we trekked back to the dead
crayfish cave and went south. The passage wound southwards for a
while, then abruptly opened up into a large cavern, about 80 feet
across. Our torches glowed feebly in the vastness; we could dimly see
two other entrances in the west and south. We heard a noise from the
south side, across the cavern; a huge Orc came out of the south
passage. He walked into the room serenely and confidently; he had a
cunning gleam in his eye, easily visible from across the room. He was
wearing boiled leather armor, had a big spiked wooden club; he also
held two strange creatures on leashes. Another humanoid, about eleven
feet tall and with a scary amount of muscle, came in behind him.
Rourk: "It is their chief. I recognize his stench. Why he is so much
more poorly armed now, I cannot understand. His own foolishness,
no doubt." (Draws swords)
Party: We spread out, Kortul and Rourk move forward. Razuli loads
his crossbow, Navero starts a Chant.
Game Master: The Orc Chief releases the leashes, and the two creatures
start bounding across the room towards you, hungrily. They make
for Kortul and Rourk.
Kortul: Could you describe these things please?
Game M: Certainly! They are 3 feet high at the shoulder, and weigh
about 200 pounds each. They are rust-colored, have long
antennae-like things on either side of their mouths, and long
tails, with the end resembling a propeller.
(Pause.)
Rourk: Jeff, are these things Rust Monsters?
Game M: Why yes, they do look rather like them.
(Longer pause.)
Kortul, Rourk: "AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
And so, the biggest, buffest dudes in the party fled in a blind
panic back through the entrance.
Kortul fled to the ant cave, where he tore off his armor, dropped
his sword, and grabbed a piece of rock and prepared himself as the
Rust Monster charged greedily after him. His first strike was a
fumble. He tripped over the Monster and fell on his face beyond it.
The monster ran hungrily over to the pile of armor. Kortul struck
again; another fumble. He threw his rock across the room. The
monster began rusting and eating his banded mail; it was all
disintegrating! In a fit of true desperation, Kortul tried to lift
the monster away and shove it down on a stalagmite. Another fumble;
he herniated himself, and the monster ate all his armor. Full, it
wandered away with a rather bored look on its face, leaving the sword
for later.
Rourk fled to the glowing fungus cave and dived in the pool. The
Rust Monster following him apparently didn't like the stuff (lucky for
him) and would not enter the pool. So there was Rourk, standing up to
his armpits in glowing goop, with a hungry armor-eater at the edge of
the pool, scampering around and trilling for him to come out. Razuli
fled to the slime cave, but there wasn't a monster to follow him. Of
course, you realize that this left Dania, Arlor, and Navero to deal
with the Orc chief and his Ogre friend.
Dania: "Oh, shit."
Navero: "Uh... What should we do?"
Chief: "I give you the option of surrender." (Heh, heh.)
Arlor: "One of the true people would never surrender!" (gulp.)
Chief: "What will you do, then?"
Dania: "FuckingGodamnBastardsKILL!!" (Casts Sleep on Ogre. Ogre
drops.)
Navero: "HUDSDG!" (Command - Stop in Orcish.)
Chief: "Amusing." (Throws javelin, misses.)
Razuli: (Looks in) "Are they gone?"
Dania: "Yes, oh my knight in shining armor."
Arlor: "Um, what do we do?"
Razuli: "Ah ha! I'll engage him frontally... No, Dania better do
that, as she's got a better front." (Shoots crossbow, string
breaks.)
Navero: "He's trying to wake up the Ogre."
Dania: "FuckYOU!" (casts Magic Missile.)
Chief: "Ow! You sting, rottin' elf!" (Throws javelin, pierces Dania.)
Navero: "NO! You, you, you..." (Cure Light Wounds on Dania.)
Razuli: "Oh, I'll bet he's scared now." (Fixes crossbow, loads again.)
Navero: (Charges across room, swinging mace.) "YAAAAAAAHHHH!!"
Razuli: "Nav, move so I can get a clear shot."
Navero: (Fumble. Trips and falls down.)
Razuli: "Thanks, Nav." (Shoots chief.)
Chief: (Laughs, throws javelin at Rizudo. Misses)
Arlor: (Throws dagger at chief. Misses)
Dania: (Wakes up.) "Owww.... Whasgoinon? Oh! Razuli, go get him!"
Razuli: "ME?! Oh, no no no, I really couldn't. I insist."
Arlor: (Throws second dagger. Critical, double damage.) "Yeah!"
Dania: "YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF GUTLESS ASSHOLES!!" (casts Magic Missile)
Chief: "You'll all die!" (Swings at Razuli, hits.)
Navero: (Comes up behind chief. Hits, does 3 hit points.)
Razuli: "Oh, fucking shit..." (Swings, hits)
Arlor: "I'll hit him from behind."
Game M: No, Navero's in the way.
Arlor: Ok, I go over and kill the Ogre.
Game M: Ok. You slit it's throat, no problem.
Chief: (Swings, hits Razuli again.)
Razuli: "Kids, I hate to nag, but could you help me kill the thing?"
Dania: "Oh, so NOW were all supposed to pitch in, HUH?"
Navero: (Misses.)
Dania: (Hits it with her staff. Chief starts wobbling.)
Razuli: "All right!" (Strikes, Chief falls.) "Damn, I'm good."
Dania: "Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. SHUT YOUR FACE. Ow..."
We found Kortul sitting on his Rust Monster, beating its head in
with a rock. It squeaked pitifully, then expired. After much sound
and fury, we killed the other Rust Monster, and got Rourk out of the
glowing pool. However, the sticky glowing fluid adhered to the metal
of his armor as tightly as glue; we couldn't wash it off or scrape it
off, and with it on, he looked like a giant tinker bell.
Rourk: "I cannot walk about looking like this. It's indecorous."
Kortul: "Get rest of you, so you match."
Rourk: "Oh, really?"
Razuli: "Looks like you'll have to go without armor." (chuckles.)
Dania: "Don't worry. It's not so bad."
Rourk: "It's undignified. I should look like a pauper."
Arlor: "You'd rather look like a big fairy?"
Razuli: (Laughs.) "No problem! He's an elf, he already is!"
Dan Parsons "Rust Monsters work really well.
I'm gonna have to remember to use them more often."