Chapter 37

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Razuli and Kory quickly found their way back to the Inn of the First
Son, but were nonetheless quite sobered up by the time they arrived.
It was late, so several party members were on hand to hear the
distressing news that Those Who Were More Than Two And Less Than Four
had returned, angry with the party and with everyone in general.
Obviously, something drastic would have to be done to remedy the

          Navero, male human cleric, 5th level
          Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 4th level
          Kortul, male human fighter, 5th level
          Razuli, male human fighter, 5th level
          Kory, male elf bard, 4th level
          Topash, male elf druid, 4th level
          Meth, male ? thief, 3rd level

Dania: "They're HERE?!?!?"

Razuli: "Yep.  Here and talking about ridding the world of this nest
     of evil."

Dania: "WHAT nest of evil?!  This is an ordinary city!"

Meth: "Where else would you find a nest of evil?"

(Explosion in the distance.)

Dania: "Aww....  Find Navero!  Find Kortul!  Get everybody and lets
     get out of here before all hell breaks loose!"

Kory: (Watching out door, as many many guards approach rapidly) "I
     think we might be a little late on that, dear."

Meth: "I think maybe we should just go out this way..." (Drifts
     towards back windows.)

(Entire party tromples over Meth running through back windows.)

Dania: "Get the horses!  Get everybodys!  Wait, get some better ones
     if you can!  SHIT!  We left a lot of our stuff in our rooms,
     Meth, climb up and get it!"

Meth: "You stepped on my foot, magic-user..."

Dania: "Will you DO it!"

Kory: "Dania, Dania, don't panic.  If anything attracts attention it's
     small blonde magic-users throwing a fit.  I'll go!"  (Climbs fire

Razuli: "This inn has a fire escape?"

(Explosion in the distance.)

Stable Boy: "Hey, what are you doin' down here?"

Dania: (Clobbers stable boy over the head with her staff.  Razuli
     stuffs him into the rafters.)

Kory: (Moves from room to room, throwing packs and bundles and stuff
     out of the windows.  Razuli and Meth catch and throw into
     saddlebags, while Dania picks out and saddles the seven best

Topash: "Oh, hello, I was just..."

Razuli: "Pack that!" (Throws saddlebag into Topash's face.)

Topash: "Ah, let me guess: was it the governor, or his wife?"

Dania: "Worse!  Hurry!"

Kory: "Ah!" (Guardsmen burst into room.)

Lieutenant: "Aha!  Men, get around the back!  I'll take care of this one!"

Kory: "Like hell you will!  Bye!" (Jumps out window.)

Dania: "Get on!  Forget your fucking pack and MOVE!"

Razuli: "Awright, already!  Jeezus!"

(Guardsmen come running around the corner, are nearly rode down as
Dania charges off into the night.  The others follow, hanging on to
their various possessions as they go.)

(Explosion in the distance.)

Razuli: "See ya, sucOOMPH!!" (A pike is swung into his path, and he is
     knocked from his saddle to the ground.)

Guards: "Keep him down!  Get the others!" (Several guards sit on
     Razuli, who has had the wind knocked out of him and is putting up
     a rather feeble fight.)

Kory: "SHIT!  Magic-user, get back here!"

(Dania is already halfway down the street by now.  Explosion in the

Lieutenant: "Brown, to the rear!  Melling, Scord: front!"

(Two guards leap in front of Kory's horse, waving their spears and
frightening it.  It bucks, then Kory is knocked off by the one who
went behind him.)

Topash: (To horse) "Forgive me, but it is for us now." (Rides in and
     grabs Kory.)

Razuli: "*Hey!*"

Guards: (Rush Topash, bringing their long weapons to bear.)

(Explosion in the distance.)


Topash: (rides out.)

Kory: "We'll get you!  Hang in there!"

Razuli: "aw, fuck you."

Lieutenant: "Ha!  Rogers!  Get the mounteds out of bed!  You there,
     haul that one to the Kings Street square!  The rest, come with me!"

(Razuli is disarmed, knocked about a bit, and hauled off.)

Dania: (Riding towards religious area.) "Fuck it, you lost a horse!"

(Explosion in the distance.)

Kory: "A horse!  We godamn lost a party member!"

Dania: "I know, I know!  Where will they take him?"

Topash: "Given the chaotic situation, who knows where justice will be

Meth: "I'd bet they wouldn't take him anyplace public.  There's
     probably a real ugly mob scene developing right now."

Kory: "And we were seen with those assholes...  Knowing penis-breath
     he WILL take him someplace public.  Head for the nearest square!"


Kortul: (Sees an M-1 tank go past.) That thing looked very familiar...

* *   B O O M !   * *

Kortul: Oh, I remember now. (Runs back towards the inn.)


Navero: "Father, why is the ground shaking so much?  Master Jorot
     didn't predict any such thing for today."

Priest: "I realize that...  It must be something else...  Wait!  Three
     souls are at the base of it, but their intentions are unclear...
     their spirits appear so white as to actually be BLACK, blind and
     blinding... and they bring strange devices with them (Navero
     sneaks off) strange and destructive things unaffected by magical
     powers, indeed nearly invisible to them... and they...  Oh!  OH!
     It's THEM!  Acolyte!  Get back here!  Where are you!?"

(Navero runs out of the temple and back towards the inn.)


Razuli: Hey, waitaminute...  GRONK!

Gronk: Gronk

Razuli: Gronk!  Come rescue me!  Good boy!

(Explosion in the distance.)

Gronk: ... (Gronks are not known for their high intelligence.)

Razuli: Follow the ring!  Come here!

Gronk: Gronk! (Runs out of stables, starts running after Razuli.)

Kortul: (Razuli's Gronk runs past, amid general hubbub.) Hmm...
     (Follows the Gronk.)

Razuli: (Is carried into square by guardsmen.  A large mob has
     gathered there.)

      "They blew up my house!"     "Their beast tore up the cemetery!"
"They took a buzz-saw to me 'usband!"      "They killed my daughter!"
    "They trompled through my petunias!"    "Hey, wasn't HE with 'em?"

(Large angry mob suddenly focuses all of its attention on Razuli.)

Razuli: aw, shit.  GRONK!!

Gronk: Gronk! (Speeds up.)

Peasant: "Evenin', officers and friends.  Would you happen to be
     takin' this one to justice, then?"

Guard: "We were, unless you think that somethin' else ought to be

Razuli: "He doesn't!"  (Is clobbered by Guard again.)

(Explosion in the distance.)

Guard: "He do have a mouth in him, which I get kind of tired of."

Razuli: GRONK!!!

Gronk: Gronk!

Peasant: "Well, seein' as how things are, perhaps we could take him
     off your hands and let you get on with more important matters."

Razuli: *GRONK!!!*

Gronk: Gronk, already!


Navero: (Steps out of an alley, is almost run over by a horse.) "Ah!!"

Dania: "Navero!  Get on a horse, we're getting out of here!"

Navero: "Where's my horse?"

Dania: "These are better!"

Navero: "Where's Kumquat?"

(Explosion in the distance.)

Dania: "NAVERO!!!  MOVE YOUR LITTLE <censored> <censored> AND
     <censored> GET IT IN GEAR!!!!"

Navero: (Wordlessly climbs on one of the horses.  It fidgets.)

Kory: "Have you seen Razuli anywhere?"

Navero: "No, but I thought I saw his Gronk running that way."

Dania: "Fine!  We go that way! (Rides off)

Navero: "But it might not have been his...  I mean all Gronks look the

(Explosion in the distance.)

Topash: "Navero, it may be our only chance of finding him.  Shall we?"

Kory: "Yes!  Here we come to save the day!  Yee-HA!" (Rides off)

Meth: "I knew I should have just gotten stoned and stayed in bed."

(Everyone else rides off after Kory.  Except Navero.  He does not have
his accustomed gentle mare for a mount, but in fact a spirited
stallion.  It objects to his riding it, and Navero is not adept at
calming horses.  After some struggle, it gallops off in a random
direction with Navero clinging to it like a sack of velcro.)

Navero: "STOP!!!"


Town Person 1: "What do we do with him?"

Town Person 2: "Hang him!"

Razuli: GRONK!!!

Gronk: Gronk! (Approaching the square)

Town Persons: "Boil him!"  "Flay him!"  "Chop his fingers off!"  "Burn
     him to death slowly, starting with his balls!!"

Razuli:  ***   G R O N K ! ! !  ***

Gronk: Here.

(Explosion in the distance.)

Razuli: Get me outa here!  Now!  Somehow!!

Gronk: ...

Town Person 1: "String him up so he can't get away!  Then we'll

(Razuli is dragged to a lamp post.  A noose is put around his neck,
and he is placed atop a tall rickety stool.  The rope is pulled until
he has to stand on tip-toe.)

Town Person 3: "I know!  Lets play pinata!  First to knock him off

Town Person 4: "Wins what?  I'd rather watch 'im burn."

Razuli: Gronk, get OVER here!  DO SOMETHING!!

Gronk: ...

Kortul: (Walks up to the square, astutely notes Razuli's presence.
     Also astutely notes over 100 blood-crazed citizens waving many
     weapons.  Pauses to ponder the ramifications of the situation.)

(Explosion in the distance.)

Priest: "Excuse me, I am a priest of Gothard.  Can you tell me what's
     going on here?"

Kortul: (Considers how silly the situation just got.  Clobbers the
     dumb priest over the head and moves towards Razuli.)


Dania: "Shit, he's not here!  Navero!  Shit, where's NAVERO!?!"

Kory: "Shit, I don't know, but somehow I am not surprised."

Topash: "My, a lot of fertilizer is being spread around here.  Say,
     everyone is running that way.  Why don't we follow them?"

Kory: "Excellent idea!  CHAAAAARGE!!"


Navero: "SLOW DOWN!!  AAHHH!" (Gallops on a bucking horse into a
     square with over 100 blood-crazed citizens waving many weapons.)

Town People: "Who is that?"  "Get the reins!"  "Gods, what an idiot."
     "Hey, that's MY horse!"

Razuli: (Gazes heavenward) "I pray to you for the first time in my
     whole life, and this is what you get me.  Fuck you, very much."

Gronk: Gronk?

Razuli: Gronk, get over here and bite through this rope!

Kortul: (Ducks into square and runs towards Razuli.  Razuli doesn't
     see him.)

Gronk: (Ambling its way over to the rope, its leg knocks the stool out
     from under Razuli.)

Razuli: GRONK!!!  STAND TALL!!!!

Gronk: (Does so. Razuli is able to stick out one foot and plant it on
     the Gronk's nose.  He is now hanging against lamp post, with just
     enough weight on the Gronk not to break his neck.)

Navero: "Hey, Razuli!  Go that way, horse!"

(Explosion in the distance.  Horse decides that it has had enough of
this and tramples a citizen.)

Razuli: "Glekkk..."

Gronk: Getting tired, master.


Topash: "Oh, the people were all running towards the nearest gate.  I
     suppose they would, wouldn't they?"

Meth: "Lord, who would stay?"

Dania: "Argh!  Ok, do we find them or run and hope they catch up?"

Kory: "We must find them!  Don't abandon party members!  Besides,
     think of all the wonderful opportunities we'll have to show our
     true mettle."

Topash: "I think we already showed much of our true mettle in creating
     this situation.  But until we are placed in real danger, our
     comrades should not be abandoned."

Dania: "Right.  Where?"

Topash: "At the center of all the chaos and disruption.  Where else
     would one of our party members be?"

Meth: "You're more likely to find the Paladins there."

Kory: "So look for a minor pocket.  There's bound to be one around
     here somewhere."

Dania: "Yea.  Right.  What if the guards spot us?"

Kory: "Oh, they're much to busy right now.  So! (Rides off)
      Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!
      Off we ride, into the night!
      Looking for, our id-i-ot friends,
      And maybe, a very small fight!


Kortul: (Draws sun sword, chops Razuli down.)

Razuli: Gasp!

Town Person: "Hey!  Wha' tha hell you doin'!  HEY!"

(Mob turns from Navero to Kortul.  A sun sword draws attention nicely.)

Kortul: Shit... (Throws Razuli on Gronk.) "Run, idiot!"

Razuli: Go, Gronk...  (Rides bumpily out of the square.)

Kortul: Hundred to one odds... could be worse.  But not by much.
     (Runs.  He is not a fast runner, unfortunately.)

Navero: "HORSE!!  Stop it!!"

(Explosion in the distance.  Horse becomes more cooperative.  Navero
is somehow able to guide it past Kortul slow enough for him to mount.)

Kortul: "That way!"

(They pass Razuli on the Gronk.  Razuli is getting a very rough ride.
Also cross paths with Dania.)

Dania: "NAVERO!!  Where the fuck did you disappear to!"

Navero: "Uh..."

Kortul: "Wizzerd, SHUT UP!  Out of town, NOW!"

Dania: "Where did..."

Mob: (Running up, waving torches and axes and clubs.) "KILL THEM

Kory: "That's my cue!  Bye!" (Rides off)

(Everyone follows.)

     The (finally) combined party rode off, after a short pause to
shift Navero to another horse.  Razuli somehow acquired a horse in the
chaos, and we rode for the city gates. In the great press of fleeing
citizenry, accompanied by exploding buildings and screaming missiles,
there would have been little a guard could have done to keep order,
even if any were there.  I'm sure they would have liked to have gotten
us, but there were other and more pressing demands on them.  So, we
happily put yet another town behind us and continued on the road to

Daniel Parsons        "We're getting good at fleeing in blind terror."
                     "Yeah.  We got out with most of our possessions."
                            "And it is such fun to watch Dania panic."

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